Friend, Yummy and I take our seats while brother bastard is singing his little heart out with his eyes closed and all...Bless his heart. I immediately take a look the wedding program to see how much of the ceremony we had missed. Fortunately, we had only missed the welcome by Ms CStarr - the unofficial wedding mc lol - and a portion of brother bastard's song.
The ceremony was enjoyable. Faith's father - the Reverend Doctor himself - conducted the ceremony. People that man can talk...and talk...and talk. And he's one of those types that only says 2 to 3 words at a time to punctuate everything he says, I am guessing. According to Friend ('cause I missed it), the Rev Doc looked rather weepy as he and his wife helped walked Faith down the aisle. I so wish you guys coulda seen the look on Spiritual's face when they first opened the sanctuary doors to reveal his bride. Friend and I tried to capture it on camera but were unsuccessful. He looked like he was trying so hard not to breakdown and cry even though he had this big grin on his face. LOL! It was hilarious....and heartwarming.
Ok, so they announce that we must remain seated until after the bride has passed our respective pews. To this point Yummy's behavior was under control. After we all stood then took our seats again your friend Yummy started gearing up to put on a show. Friend excused herself from the sanctuary because she didn't want Yummy to disturb the proceedings and ended up missing the cermony.
Like I said earlier the ceremony was nice and rather enjoyable. I don't recall anything being out of order; nor do I remember anything outstanding happening. My only gripe would be that Spiritual and Faith had their former singles ministry leaders read an entire chapter from the Song of Solomon. And I just wanted to know where's the damn sandman when you need him? Their hurky jerky style of reading or recitation, if you can call it that, was utterly dull. I think everybody went to sleep for the 5-10 minutes it took them to do their portion of the program.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I do remember something rather entertaining happening during the ceremony that had the church laughing. For whatever reason, lots of people look forward to "the kiss" at weddings, right? Ha! So there the attendees are all smiles and giggles waiting in an anticipation for the "the kiss." In Spiritual's true prudish fashion he laid a kiss on his bride that was as passionate as a kiss you give to grandma. Everybody started laughing. I heard "that's it" ringing through the sanctuary as well as "that's Spiritual for you." That peck, yes people it was a dry ass lip to lip peck, was so quick and passionless I doubt anybody was able to capture it on camera.
*In fairness, I will admit that Spiritual redeemed himself at the reception. Spiritual & Faith's kisses got rather wet and sloppy by the end of the reception. Get a room already!
After the ceremony I go looking for Friend to find out why she never returned. She tells me that Yummy always acts a fool whenever she takes her places. Friend can't understand why Yummy is well-behaved when she's with other people and but not with her. She thought it best that she remain outside because of the impending tantrum. Why do parents act clueless to the reasosns their children are misbehaved?
So as Friend and I are conversing and I am filling her in on the missed details of the ceremony I hear a woman calling out to me trying to get my attention.
Eva. Shaw: ERIC!!!
I continue conversing with Friend as Evangelist Shaw continues to walk closer and closer to us while staring me down.
Eva. Shaw: Eric! Eric!
I finally break off my chat
Me: umm...my name's not eric
Eva. Shaw: are you sure? you're joking aren't you?
Me: Yes, I am sure. My name is not Eric. I'm Shawn
Eva. Shaw: Oh my god. You look and sound just like Eric. He and I used to sing together. I really thought you were him. I haven't seen him in a long time but I knew just knew you were him.
Me: Oh...ok
Eva. Shaw: I have to ask Faith to show you a picture of Eric. You guys really do lookalike.
I give her that raised eyebrow- yea, ok, whatever-I'm trying to appear nice-but why are you talking to me nutjob-I don't look like no damn body but myself-closed mouth grin hoping she would disengage. Unfortunately, she didn't. She paused for a minute then giggles and smiles
Eva. Shaw: I know you probably think I sound crazy.
Me: As a matter of fact I DO think you sound crazy
I smile. She stops smiling.
Eva. Shaw: it was nice meeting you
Me: you too
*Friend later said I was mean to Eva Shaw. I disagreed. I pointed out to Friend that Shaw said she was crazy first and I just agreed. And Shaw's accessment was correct: I did indeed think she was crazy.
Friend decides she's going to her car for awhile before she enters the reception because Yummy needs a nap.
Friend: Can you carry her to the car?
Me: why?
Friend: Because I have on heels and that's an extra 25 lbs to carry
Without saying a word 'cause y'all know I am irritated at this moment I take Yummy from Friend to make my move to the car. Yummy instantly starts kicking and screaming.
Friend: oh, that's ok. I'll take her
Me: No, she gon' be fine.
I march as fast as I can to Friend's car and deposit little miss bad ass into her car seat then return to the church for the reception.
To Be Continued
Friday, September 15
Thursday, September 14
Watch
The Underground on Showtime tonight at 10pm. My buddy is doing the VO work you'll hear throughout the show.
Trip Saturday
Saturday
Friend wakes up at the crack dawn, like 7 in the morning, and comes in the room to turn the tv on. She never explained why it was necessary but asked me if it were ok. Keep in mind people I'm still on west coast time. Granted I am an early riser but damn, we didn't get to bed until after 2:30.
She turns the tv on and immediately jumps on the phone to rehash the details of her evening. I am pretty much forced to wake up at this point so I jump on the internet briefly to kill time.
Friend throws on her sweatsuit around 8 then asks me if I want any breakfast. I tell her I'm not hungry and she leaves. Fifteen minutes later she returns home with Yummy who had spent the night out at her aunt's house so Friend could go out.
When Yummy enters the house I'm told that I can't keep watching my DVD because Yummy has to watch her cartoons. I protest a little. Friend tells me the tv keeps Yummy quiet. I'm all for quiet children I quickly hush and find something else to do. I read one my books for awhile; surf the internet again; and finally I decide to touch up my hair but not before I ask Friend if we can grab some breakfast. I am quickly shot down. Its too much work carrying Yummy in and out of the house. Shoulda gone out with me when I left to pick her up.
The next hour I spend touching up my hair while Friend continues reliving the exploits of the prior night over the phone, making breakfast for Yummy and halfheartedly attempting to take the cornrows out of Yummy's hair. Yummy had about 16 braids in her hair and Friend took down 4...in an hour's time.
After I finish doing my hair I iron my clothes and take my shower. As I'm getting dressed Hubby comes upstairs to begin getting ready for work. I offer "Wassup Hubby!" to which I get less then lively"Hey!" with no eye contact. I chucke to myself and finish prepping.
Time is just wasting away. I'd say its now 1pm and Friend isn't close to being ready to head to the wedding. She's still on the phone; still faking like she's taking her daughter's hair down; and now she's complaining about Yummy's bad attitude and how much she knows Yummy needs a nap.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Not much progress has been made by 1:30. I tell Friend we're going to be late and miss the wedding. She tells me we're not going to be late and if we are its no big deal because weddings never start on time.
By 1:50 she pulls herself together and we prepare to walk out of the door.
On the way to the church she informs me that she has no idea where it is. She recalls Spiritual telling her its between this street and that street but she doesn't trust his directions. Whatever route she takes ends up being a bust. The street the church is located off of doesn't go all the way through. She can't figure out what major street we're supposed to be driving down to get to the street where the church is located. We drive around in a circle making rights and lefts for a minute before she decides she wants to ask the local residents for assistance. Great! We pull up to Grandma Pearl and Granpa Earl. For the next 5 minutes we listen to Pearl give us directions to the church that include such precision as "go around this bend and when you see X kind of house you make a right." LOL!
Somehow some way we figure out Pearl's coded directions and finally make it to the church....several minutes after 2pm - the official start time of the wedding.
When we pull up to the church we think we're luck because there's a a parking space directly in front. We see hands waving us off from inside the church so we make a u-turn and search for another spot to park. Friend is griping and complaining because its rainy and she doesn't like the neighborhood. Hehehehe! Mind you she lives in Southeast. Ok, ok. I know all of SE isn't bad but its funny how uppity people get at times.
We park and head inside the church. The ceremony is already in progress. As soon as Spiritual sees us entering late he chuckles a little bit. I point at Friend and shake my head disapprovingly and laugh with him as we grab a seat.
To Be Continued
Friend wakes up at the crack dawn, like 7 in the morning, and comes in the room to turn the tv on. She never explained why it was necessary but asked me if it were ok. Keep in mind people I'm still on west coast time. Granted I am an early riser but damn, we didn't get to bed until after 2:30.
She turns the tv on and immediately jumps on the phone to rehash the details of her evening. I am pretty much forced to wake up at this point so I jump on the internet briefly to kill time.
Friend throws on her sweatsuit around 8 then asks me if I want any breakfast. I tell her I'm not hungry and she leaves. Fifteen minutes later she returns home with Yummy who had spent the night out at her aunt's house so Friend could go out.
When Yummy enters the house I'm told that I can't keep watching my DVD because Yummy has to watch her cartoons. I protest a little. Friend tells me the tv keeps Yummy quiet. I'm all for quiet children I quickly hush and find something else to do. I read one my books for awhile; surf the internet again; and finally I decide to touch up my hair but not before I ask Friend if we can grab some breakfast. I am quickly shot down. Its too much work carrying Yummy in and out of the house. Shoulda gone out with me when I left to pick her up.
The next hour I spend touching up my hair while Friend continues reliving the exploits of the prior night over the phone, making breakfast for Yummy and halfheartedly attempting to take the cornrows out of Yummy's hair. Yummy had about 16 braids in her hair and Friend took down 4...in an hour's time.
After I finish doing my hair I iron my clothes and take my shower. As I'm getting dressed Hubby comes upstairs to begin getting ready for work. I offer "Wassup Hubby!" to which I get less then lively"Hey!" with no eye contact. I chucke to myself and finish prepping.
Time is just wasting away. I'd say its now 1pm and Friend isn't close to being ready to head to the wedding. She's still on the phone; still faking like she's taking her daughter's hair down; and now she's complaining about Yummy's bad attitude and how much she knows Yummy needs a nap.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Not much progress has been made by 1:30. I tell Friend we're going to be late and miss the wedding. She tells me we're not going to be late and if we are its no big deal because weddings never start on time.
By 1:50 she pulls herself together and we prepare to walk out of the door.
On the way to the church she informs me that she has no idea where it is. She recalls Spiritual telling her its between this street and that street but she doesn't trust his directions. Whatever route she takes ends up being a bust. The street the church is located off of doesn't go all the way through. She can't figure out what major street we're supposed to be driving down to get to the street where the church is located. We drive around in a circle making rights and lefts for a minute before she decides she wants to ask the local residents for assistance. Great! We pull up to Grandma Pearl and Granpa Earl. For the next 5 minutes we listen to Pearl give us directions to the church that include such precision as "go around this bend and when you see X kind of house you make a right." LOL!
Somehow some way we figure out Pearl's coded directions and finally make it to the church....several minutes after 2pm - the official start time of the wedding.
When we pull up to the church we think we're luck because there's a a parking space directly in front. We see hands waving us off from inside the church so we make a u-turn and search for another spot to park. Friend is griping and complaining because its rainy and she doesn't like the neighborhood. Hehehehe! Mind you she lives in Southeast. Ok, ok. I know all of SE isn't bad but its funny how uppity people get at times.
We park and head inside the church. The ceremony is already in progress. As soon as Spiritual sees us entering late he chuckles a little bit. I point at Friend and shake my head disapprovingly and laugh with him as we grab a seat.
To Be Continued
Wednesday, September 13
Trip Friday
UPDATED
Friday
After waiting in the house all damn day for my luggage to be delivered my next obstacle was getting from Spiritual's house to Friend's house. The original plan called for Spiritual to drop me off at Friend's house sometime during the afternoon Friday but jetBLUE losing my bag messed that up. I was originally told delivery would be between 11 and 4. I didn't actually get my bag until 6 something that evening.
I called Friend around 3:30 to let her know that I needed her to come swoop me. She moaned and groaned about having to drive 15 minutes out of her way to come get me - especially when it was Spritual's responsibility. I reminded her of the lost luggage issue and explained that Spiritual, being a groom, had other pressing issues to adhere to. The biggest being his wedding rehearsal. Friend continued to huff and puff but ceded to my request; but not before she informed me that she was going to Clinton Portis' party that evening and I had betta be ready when she was in the area because she was short on time. Agreed!!!!!
Once I retrieved my bag I called Friend immediately to let her know that I was offically ready for pick up. Of course she had to remind me of the great burden I was placing on her. She was busy shopping at the mall so she tells me it'll take her hours before she can get to me. Fine!
Around 8 pm she calls me backs to say she's on her way and asks me for Spiritual's address. I give it to her.
Around 8:20 she calls me back to let me know that she can't fit me into her tight schedule so she'd rather pick me up after returns from her party.
Around 8:45 she calls me back to say she'd rather come get me now because she'll be too tired to do pick me up at 2am.
Friend calls me back at leatst 4 more times while she's driving to me to ask for Spirituals address. Our typical exchange:
Friend: what's spiritual's address again? 5055?
Me: No, it's 5210
10 minutes later
Friend: His address is 5055 right?
Me: NO, its 5210
5 minutes later
Friend: I forgot his address again. What is it?
Me: 5210
Yes, people I know...draining as hell. Anyhoo, Friend finally picks me up and we make the mad dash back to her crib so she can get ready for her party. I get a quick tour of the house and am deposited in front of the tv with a remote. Friend makes her final preparations is gone before you know it.
After midnight Friend starts sending emails from her Sidekick to mine. What chu doing? You sleep? Then she hits me with did hubby come home? Hubby coming around is news to me. No sooner than I had emailed her "no" I hear hubby coming through the door. He walks upstairs where I am and grumbles a terse and barely audible "eh, wassup!" I respond "Hey hubby!" He does whatever in the closet then makes his way to the basement. I email Friend and let her know Hubby has returned home.
Shortly thereafter, within the hour I'd say, Friend returns home. When she gets upstairs she tells me
Friend: he told me to get away from him.
Since I'm half asleep I have no clue what she's talking about but I offer
Me: oh...why?
Friend: He's mad because I went out tonight. He didn't want me to go to the club.
Me: Oh!
I say very dryly while thinking damn, can't a man get some rest around here? And why do I feel like i'm in the middle of a war zone? Bastards.
Now that Friend has finally returned home its officially time for bed. I'm told to stay in Friend's bed while Friend sleeps in their daughter Yummy's room and Hubby sleeps in the basement with the tv blaring.
Friday
After waiting in the house all damn day for my luggage to be delivered my next obstacle was getting from Spiritual's house to Friend's house. The original plan called for Spiritual to drop me off at Friend's house sometime during the afternoon Friday but jetBLUE losing my bag messed that up. I was originally told delivery would be between 11 and 4. I didn't actually get my bag until 6 something that evening.
I called Friend around 3:30 to let her know that I needed her to come swoop me. She moaned and groaned about having to drive 15 minutes out of her way to come get me - especially when it was Spritual's responsibility. I reminded her of the lost luggage issue and explained that Spiritual, being a groom, had other pressing issues to adhere to. The biggest being his wedding rehearsal. Friend continued to huff and puff but ceded to my request; but not before she informed me that she was going to Clinton Portis' party that evening and I had betta be ready when she was in the area because she was short on time. Agreed!!!!!
Once I retrieved my bag I called Friend immediately to let her know that I was offically ready for pick up. Of course she had to remind me of the great burden I was placing on her. She was busy shopping at the mall so she tells me it'll take her hours before she can get to me. Fine!
Around 8 pm she calls me backs to say she's on her way and asks me for Spiritual's address. I give it to her.
Around 8:20 she calls me back to let me know that she can't fit me into her tight schedule so she'd rather pick me up after returns from her party.
Around 8:45 she calls me back to say she'd rather come get me now because she'll be too tired to do pick me up at 2am.
Friend calls me back at leatst 4 more times while she's driving to me to ask for Spirituals address. Our typical exchange:
Friend: what's spiritual's address again? 5055?
Me: No, it's 5210
10 minutes later
Friend: His address is 5055 right?
Me: NO, its 5210
5 minutes later
Friend: I forgot his address again. What is it?
Me: 5210
Yes, people I know...draining as hell. Anyhoo, Friend finally picks me up and we make the mad dash back to her crib so she can get ready for her party. I get a quick tour of the house and am deposited in front of the tv with a remote. Friend makes her final preparations is gone before you know it.
After midnight Friend starts sending emails from her Sidekick to mine. What chu doing? You sleep? Then she hits me with did hubby come home? Hubby coming around is news to me. No sooner than I had emailed her "no" I hear hubby coming through the door. He walks upstairs where I am and grumbles a terse and barely audible "eh, wassup!" I respond "Hey hubby!" He does whatever in the closet then makes his way to the basement. I email Friend and let her know Hubby has returned home.
Shortly thereafter, within the hour I'd say, Friend returns home. When she gets upstairs she tells me
Friend: he told me to get away from him.
Since I'm half asleep I have no clue what she's talking about but I offer
Me: oh...why?
Friend: He's mad because I went out tonight. He didn't want me to go to the club.
Me: Oh!
I say very dryly while thinking damn, can't a man get some rest around here? And why do I feel like i'm in the middle of a war zone? Bastards.
Now that Friend has finally returned home its officially time for bed. I'm told to stay in Friend's bed while Friend sleeps in their daughter Yummy's room and Hubby sleeps in the basement with the tv blaring.
Audio Blog
I started recording an audio blog about my trip ('cause I am too lazy to write anything) but I'm not happy with it. Thus, I've trashed that crap. The stories aren't coming to life as vividly as the experiences were to me. I probably won't be revisiting all the humous things that happened to me on my trip. I feel like most of the key moments fall into the category of "you had to be there" so I won't bore you all with a long, long audio.
I'll be back later tonight with a condensed audio about Spiritual's wedding. In the meantime I'm off to wach Kinky Boots.
~Thespian Shawn off to be inspired by what I've heard is a great art house film out
I'll be back later tonight with a condensed audio about Spiritual's wedding. In the meantime I'm off to wach Kinky Boots.
~Thespian Shawn off to be inspired by what I've heard is a great art house film out
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