Snapshots

Main Entry: snap·shot
Pronunciation: 'snap-"shät
Function: noun
1 : a casual photograph made typically by an amateur with a small handheld camera
2 : an impression or view of something brief or transitory snapshot of life back then


Ever have those moments when a distant memory sneaks up on you out of nowhere? I've been having a lot of them lately.

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“He’s in shock” my grandmother said into the phone receiver cradled in her ear. I stared blankly at the wall while lying on my side with my back facing to Granny. I listened to her to carry on over the phone expressing her grief, remorse and concern.

Granny and I were never really that close. With the unexpected and untimely death of my mother she had taken it upon herself to become my guardian. I knew immediately that it would never work. Her being my guardian that is. I wouldn't let it work. No! Never! Not in a million years. I would never allow that woman to “care” for me. Not after the way she had treated my mother.

You see Granny had favorite children and favorite grandchildren and it affected her interpersonal relationships with all involved parties. Her favored children were never required to give her much of anything - help, gifts, money - while the other children were expected to give their last drop of blood if she deemed it useful and necessary to her survival. Granny never made the other children feel appreciated for their efforts; and that's where the disconnect existed between Granny and my mother. My mother was seeking unconditional love and appreciation from her mother; but Granny never expressed it. At least not in a tangible way that my mother understood. I know they had conversations about it but there were still lingering doubts. My mother died wondering if her mother truly loved her and I hated Granny for it.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. Ethel was the only one that ever did anything for me" Granny said as she sobbed into the phone. Listening to those words infuriated me. I wanted to stand up and scream from the top of my lungs "You got a lot of nerve woman. She died thinking you didn't appreciate anything she tried to do for you and now you want to tell the world she was the only one that did anything for you? I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! How you could do that to my mother?" I had heard enough. I had to get away from her. I grabbed my pillow and my blanket and walked to my cousin's room. I hoped the distance would help drown out the sound of my grandmother's voice.

“He’s not saying much. He’s not saying anything at all!” she said sadly into the phone. I could still hear her through the walls and the sound of her voice was sickening. I couldn’t take much more of it. The wound was much too fresh. Just five hours before I had listened to an ER doctor tell me that my mother had died. What are you supposed to say after you’ve heard something so tragic at the age of 17? Of course I wasn’t saying much.

I laid there in my cousin's room plotting what to do to get rid of Granny. She's got to go I told myself over and over again before slumber took over.

13 seconds of glory

My fleeting moment on H.ow I Met Yo.ur Mo.th.er! Click here

Not Around Here

A question of reconciliation, if you will, was posed to me this weekend by a friend of mine. "If a former friend was in the hospital dying from a terminal illness would you go to them to make peace and reconcile your relationship?" Me being me instinctively grimaced and barked out sarcastically "hellllllllll naw!" The friend who posed the question immediately started howling with laughter then said "SHAAAAWN? Are you serious? You wouldn't want to make peace or something?" I thought about that question for a second, if that long. "Umm...no. I don't believe in that shit. That's some BS! If former friend and I couldn't reconcile while we were both healthy and in our right minds then what's the use? That's some fake BS running to someone's bedside for a makeup conversation or whatever when think they're about to die." Knowing that my friend had a particular former friend of mine in mind when she posed the question I added, "and I'm definitely not going if we stopped being friends because they wronged me. That is out of the question."

She seemed geniunely surprised by my response. In fact, she kept repeated "I can't believe it. I can't believe it."

I don't know why she was so surprised. She knows I don't think like everyone else. Further, she knows that I take the bond of friendship very seriously. Once you have violated that bond, it's a wrap. You're dead to me. It's settled very quickly in my heart and mind.

"Believe it!" I said

Mission Accomplished

Because ShellyP asked here's a pic of the vegan brownies.
















They're delicious.

To go with the brownies I baked this garlic & herb meatless chik' n cutlet, prepared vegan mac and cheese, and steamed some broccoli.

The Mission

To make Vegan Brownies using this recipe:

INGREDIENTS

* 2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
* 2 cups white sugar
* 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
* 1 teaspoon baking powder
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup water
* 1 cup vegetable oil
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt. Pour in water, vegetable oil and vanilla; mix until well blended. Spread evenly in a 9x13 inch baking pan.
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until the top is no longer shiny. Let cool for at least 10 minutes before cutting into squares.


Its my first attempt at making a vegan dessert. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Did She Really Say All That????

Got this in email last night!



This had me on the floor. Loved it! Be warned: Very offensive stand up comedy. Not necessarily for the faint of heart.

An 80s Flashback

I woke up this morning with the tune Seasons Change in my head. That inspired this week's playlist. I was such a pop music fan in those days.

Music always stirs your memory. Why is that? These songs make me remember the little, pleasant things from back in the day.

• I remember riding the Amtrak from Downtown LA to San Diego. I always had to eat a bag of peanut M&M's
• I remember being sent to Boy's Super Market by my Great Aunt. We always messed around on the train tracks and threw rocks on the way to the store. There was this open field next to the center where the store was and it always reeked of dead flesh. We would always hurry up and run through the field to avoid the smell as best we could. We'd soon encounter the unique smell of the cleaning solution from the neighborhood cleaners
  
• I remember hoping my older cousins would give me .25 cents to buy a scoop of ice cream on a cone from Thrifty's. Thrifty's always had the best ice cream when I was growing up
• I remember riding in the car with my mom listening to the radio. My mom would sing along to her favorite tunes and it would drive me crazy when she'd sing in her falsetto instead singing full out. And she always sang with lots and lots of vibrato. It would drive me insane
• I remember that we always left a lamp on the days when we knew we be coming home late with the radio playing softly in the background to hopefully convince a potential burglar that someone was indeed home so they wouldn't break in
  

A True Junkie

This was my 3-5:05am today.



I'm a real junkie to be waking up in the middle of the night to watch tennis. Its a shame. But with this being last men's tennis tournament of the season (The Te.nn.is Mas.te.rs Cup - the playoffs of tennis, if you will. Only the top 8 players in the world compete for the title) I am determined to get in as much viewing as possible before its all over.

I was so anxious to watch this match that I woke up before my alarm clock ever sounded. I first stirred at 1:30am and finally at 2:55am. Thank goodness it was worth my while. Not only did James Bl.ak.e (American) and Rafael N.a.dal (Spainiard) play a really entertaining match full of loads of drama and intrigue (N.ada.l, the higher ranked and much more accomplished player, had never beaten Blake the 2 other times they've played. N.ad.al put himself in a winning position in both sets but Blake refused to lose) but the outcome was to my liking to boot - Blake was the victor.

We spectators were treated to some spectacular tennis rallies as each player tried to outfox the other at every turn. Just when you thought one player had a decided advantage the other would up the ante and turn the tables. One rally, in particular, had me up out of my chair hooting and hollering. I'm searching the web now for a clip of the rally. The point went from offense to defense and defense to offense from both players. You couldn't tell if someone was going to win the point or lose the point until the last ball was struck. It was simply incredible and had me on my feet cheering like a damn fool at 5 in the morning.

Enjoy the highlight reel.

Just Me

Messing around with the new digital camera.

If You Could Read My Mind

this is what you would have heard me saying:

1. I don't give a fuck if you're not alarmed that my check hasn't come. I didn't ask your thoughts. I asked you to call to see when the check was coming. A 30 day turn around might work for you but not for me. Are you fucking serious?

2. Please teach your child that crying and hollering will not get him whatever he wants. If he's mad that I stopped by for a visit "too fucking bad." Stop picking his little his spoiled ass up comforting him and asking "what's the matter?" just because he's screaming bloody murder. You know the matter.

I don't have children therefore I hold my tongue in your presence because I know how touchy you parents are about being advised on parenting, especially by a non-parent, but it needs to said "sit the little shit down, tell him 'no, stop, or whatever.' Holding and kissing him and making baby talk with him because he's upset that someone dropped by for a visit is just dumb. It reinforces his poor behavior."

3. Don't get a fucking attitude with me when I call to tell you that your creditor called me looking for yo' ass! Dumbass, you listed me as a reference. No, i'm not going to lie and tell them I don't know where you are. In fact, you keep up this bullshit and your new number and new address will be extended to the creditor.

4. Creditor, who the fuck are you? Don't call me with a nasty ass, belligerent attitude. I'm the reference not the account holder. What the hell you're calling me about is news to me. Give me a reason to help you. For starters, stop screaming in my ear. Next, stop acting like finding the account holder is a life and death matter for you; and finally, stop acting like I owe you the information. News flash: I don't know you.

Undecided

Heroes was lackluster last night. I have definitely lost my zeal for the show. I had high hopes that Heroes would recover from last week's dull, uninformative episode. That proved not to be true. Boring is the best way I can desribe the episode. And where was the plot development? Did they really air a 50 minute episode where the biggest revelation was Micah - the son - is a hero too? Oh wait! I am guessing the guy that can burn people is important too. They did spend 10 minutes or so on that storyline as well. My only problem is I was lost. Who is he again? And why should I care?

I'm undecided on whether or not I'm going to keep watching. If I had to make a decision right now I'd say the hell with this show.

Pace Picante had one of the best jiggles back in the day - "PICK UP THE PAAAACCE!!!!!" The writers of this show need to adhere to that advice at once.

Midterm Election

I hope everyone takes the time to exercise their right to vote today.

Don't Get It

1. What's so funny about this Borat character? As well as Ali G? I'm missing it.