A question of reconciliation, if you will, was posed to me this weekend by a friend of mine. "If a former friend was in the hospital dying from a terminal illness would you go to them to make peace and reconcile your relationship?" Me being me instinctively grimaced and barked out sarcastically "hellllllllll naw!" The friend who posed the question immediately started howling with laughter then said "SHAAAAWN? Are you serious? You wouldn't want to make peace or something?" I thought about that question for a second, if that long. "Umm...no. I don't believe in that shit. That's some BS! If former friend and I couldn't reconcile while we were both healthy and in our right minds then what's the use? That's some fake BS running to someone's bedside for a makeup conversation or whatever when think they're about to die." Knowing that my friend had a particular former friend of mine in mind when she posed the question I added, "and I'm definitely not going if we stopped being friends because they wronged me. That is out of the question."
She seemed geniunely surprised by my response. In fact, she kept repeated "I can't believe it. I can't believe it."
I don't know why she was so surprised. She knows I don't think like everyone else. Further, she knows that I take the bond of friendship very seriously. Once you have violated that bond, it's a wrap. You're dead to me. It's settled very quickly in my heart and mind.
"Believe it!" I said
4 comments:
We're 'here'
I believe in the here and now. Lets make ammends now and not when you have mere moments to live and think that by reconciling with me you will be fufilling some spirit quest to make into the pearly gates.
Mean what you say when you mean it
And if roles were reversed I'd make ammends by myself and not drag people to the hospital when they'll be able to see right through.
I'm open to healing right now so no one is dead to me...we can work it out right now but I will not go out of my way to make things right if you have burned me too many times.
Bernie I personally don't believe accepting the finality of a relationship is holding a grudge.
If I were in the hospital dying I'd be more focused on spending time with important loved ones in my life telling them how much I loved and cared for them than broken ties with former friends.
Mwabi yes, we are 'here.' The reason I say formers are 'dead to me' is because there are some things that can not be fixed with an apology even on a death bed.
I had to deal with something like this several years ago. The former friend was dying and I was asked to go to the hospital but I couldn't do it. I felt bad because our friendship ended over something stupid but I couldn't be fake and pretend that it hadn't ended by showing up at the hospital.
If I were the one in the hospital I definitely would not want an ex-friend showing up. My first thought would be that they were there to be nosy. Spreading the gossip about how I looked and letting everyone know that they were right by my side.
No thank you.
I see your point in that if you can't make up healthy, why make up when you may be dying. Personally, I would go if the ex-friend asked me to but I'm a sucker like that...
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