Shut Up Already

When I am running errands the last thing I want to do is hold much, if any, conversation with strangers. I'm just not the friendly type; not to mention, I'm usually in my own little world, deep in thought and inconsequential chatter about random nothing really infringes upon my brooding mood. When I'm in a mood, I hate to be infringed upon. I work hard at being bitter and angry. When I am accosted by some Overzealous "I can't be out in public without making new friends 'cause I just love people and people love me and YOU seem like you WANT to talk to me about nothing because I really have nothing to say but my family or friend(s) aren't here to listen to my exciting observations on religion-life-food-or what not" Nuts I try to pacify their need for small talk with a halfhearted chuckle, fake grin and/or one word repliess like "Really? Great! Ahhh! Yeah!" without pausing from whatever is I'm doing. As many of you know, sometimes, polite acknowledgement of the ON existence isn't enough to appease them; instead, they view your begrudging faux-courteous acknowlegdement as encouragement to continue talking.

Yesterday at the grocery store an older white woman (senior citizen) decided that she was going to force me to engage in her verbal lovefest about the pies we were perusing. No matter how many times I replied with one word answers or moved in a direction opposite hers she still kept chatting away about how much she loved peach pie but couldn't find any peach pies on display and how she couldn't leave the store without some kind of pie though she couldn't find her beloved peach pie because maybe peaches were out of season.

I mean come on. Damn! Can't I have a moment? Must you talk to me? Don't I look busy, confused and distracted? Before her intrusion on my thoughts, I was involved in a major mental struggle. The first was about how terrible everything in life has been lately - so much so that I needed to self-medicate with sugar. And the second was about how the ingredient list (remember I'm anal about reading labels) wasn't living up to my standards; and furthermore, how truly unfair it was that the pie was unacceptable for my consumption further proving to me that life sucks and nothing ever works out right.

Anyway back to granny, In my head my face is contorting, eyes are rolling and through gritted teeth I'm saying "Shut up already!" I was so annoyed I had to leave the damn pie rack and go shop for something else. Needless to say, that episode made me a bit testy and even more short-temperd than usual.

My mood didn't get any better when I realized I'd left my wallet in the car as the cashier was ringing me up. Damn, damn, damn! Because she only a few items left to ring, I had to sprint to my car to retrieve my wallet. Now...I am really pissed that I've had to make an additional trip to my car then back inside the store only to have to make the journey back to the car again. A waste of my good energy, if you ask me. And I don't like wasting my energy - I'm lazy. Plus, I'm working up a sweat and I've already gone to the gym so I didn't really need or want any more cardio.

Upon returning to the store with wallet in hand, the Bag Boy (early 20's) decides to chat me up. Mind you, I'm veeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrry irritable and consumed with the feeling that everything in ife is working against me. All I want is my damn groceries so I can get home and eat the meal I have denied myself since leaving the gym a short while ago.

BB: Do you like have a profession?

I twist my face into a nasty scowl as I run my credit card through the credit machine and attempt to read the on-screen prompts

ME: (With lots of attitude) Whaattttt??????? the fuck plays in my head

BB: Do you like have a job? Like something that you do?

Without saying another word, I turn my gaze on him so he can get the full view of my growing disdain for him. At first glance my expression is one of incredulous then morphs into confusion then contempt as I shake my head then I move in for the kill and settle into "If looks could kill you'd be dead right now" hostility with a subtle eye roll as I turn my attention back to the credit machine and the cashier

BB: Well, I ask that question because you look like (his voice trails off) an actor

I continue to look at the cashier, who is quietly unsettled (her face is beet red), without responding to him. I even give her a little residual attitude in case she put this inarticulate fool up to this tomfoolery. With her best customer service smile she nervously hands me the credit slip

Cashier: Sign here please

I sign the slip and hand it to her

BB: I didn't mean to like offend you

Cashier: Here's your receipt. Have a nice day!

I smirk at the Bag Boy...again. I grab my bags and walk out of the store thinking Dumb ass! Ask an intelligible question if you want ME to answer. If not, you will be ignored. Better yet - shut up already!