Am I the only one that is slightly repulsed getting hit on by people I am completely not interested in dating? I really hate those sneaky ass "let's be friends"types that maintain an 'associate and/or acquaintance' type friendship with you waiting for the right moment to pounce. Why do I hate those types? Because with them, you're operating in sort of a gray area where you're not distant enough to be rude to them without regard for their feelings like those of a random stranger. You ever notice how those sneaky "let's be friends" types always make use of subtle, or perhaps, not to so subtle twists in semantics to push up on you? There's always a progression like the following:
Random conversation 1
Them: we have to hang out some time.
You: yea. one of these days.
Them: just let me know when
You: Umm..ok
There may be an attempt to pin down a day but its never concrete. Usually, you end the call saying something like "call me on that day and if we're not busy let's figure something out."
Random conversation 2
Them: I thought we were supposed to hang out?
You: I know right! How 'bout [insert day]? we can grab lunch.
Them: Sure.
You: I'll be in touch
Them: ok
Random conversation 3
Them: what happened to my lunch date with you?
Now you're thinking "date"? Arrrrr????? Did she just say "date"? I hope she didn't mean a date date. Warning flags go up and you're hoping for an out if she's trying to go there with you after pretending to be just a friend all this time.
You: I know. Something always comes up doesn't it?
Them: so when? (their tone has now changed from previous conversations. its no longer the jokey jokey, playful tone you use with a cool, casual friend. Its now "stop playing with my emotions.") just pick a day
You: Phew! I can't even pick a day right now. We'll have to arrange something another time.
Making matters worse, after you've deflected their advances once those sneaky types become repeat offenders and push up again. They might even turn up the aggression by dropping flirtatious hints and/or compliments in hopes that you will succumb.
Everybody wants to be 'wanted,' it's flattering. But I shouldn't feel like I have to be rude to you for you to take the obvious hint that you're barking up the wrong tree. And why should I have to be rude? I have always felt like having to go to that extreme only makes an awkward situation worse; and its a waste. A waste of my numerous hostilities and animosities that have a much better use in my life. Like cussing out Ralph's market; TM.obi.le; and telemarketers. Why do people put you in tough spots like that?
5 comments:
You could have nipped this in the bud in random conversation 1. Don't give a vague "one of these days" response. Make it clear, you aren't available, not at any time. The person will get the hint. It may not be taken well, but neither are their advances.
Great timing, I just went through this same thing. I didn't want to be rude, and I wouldn't mind getting together sometime for something as friends, but within a week, I was getting serious attitude about not setting a specific date. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go, but their attitude sure made up my mind for me.
If they can show me that much attitude before I'm even 'friends' yet, forget anything more, I don't even want the friendship.
bernie conv. 1 isn't when the come happens. the first "let's hang out" is always rather innocent and casual so there's nothing to nip in the bud at that time.
Kathie Yikes. That attitude always makes you take a step back and run the other way. :-D
Yup...be clear. Let em know the deal right up front. I never had that problem as I'm quick to say...you are sooooooo not my type...and keep it moving.
It's hard to let 'em know up front because they are being so vague. You're giving them the opportunity to say, "I wasn't trying to get with you ... I just thought we could be friends." Then you feel like an idiot.
There was one dude that I tried to be subtle with but he just wasn't getting it. We were on the phone and I told him it was a bad time. He asked when he could call me back ... I finally said, "Never." That did the trick.
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