Season's Greetings

Parents Suck

Chris Rock's Show Says Santa Doesn't Exist

Yes, Chris Rock, there is a Santa Claus. Parents with young children who happened to watch "Everybody Hates Chris" in the past week had some explaining to do when the character of Rock's brother suddenly told his younger sister that Santa doesn't exist.

"Everybody knows there's no Santa Claus," Drew said to Tonya on the UPN sitcom. "Come here, let me show you something. I'm taking you to the toys ... Santa doesn't come down the chimney. We don't even have a chimney. We have radiators."
Disillusioned, she stomps out of the room.

But wait. It gets worse. (Who is this reporter? They seem to be implying that fairy tales are actually factual and not fantasy)

Put on the spot, Tonya's dad Julius tells her the Easter bunny and tooth fairy don't exist, either.
"Somebody better give me my teeth back," the girl fumes.

A blindsided UPN received "a handful" of complaints about the Santa expose on its sitcom (Are you serious? Somebody actually complained? Parents suck) based loosely on comic Rock's life growing up in Brooklyn, a spokeswoman said. This is a series whose use of the n-word in its first episode passed with relatively little notice.

The Santa episode, titled "Everybody Hates Christmas," aired on Dec. 15 and was repeated on Monday.

"`Everybody Hates Chris' is a semi-autobiographical show," said Ali LeRoi, its executive producer and co-creator. "We try to get humor out of tough subject matters. It never occurred to me what a 6-year-old would think about the subject of Santa." (Yea, right! Why lie now? You knew what you were doing?)

Not, at least, until busted by his own 6-year-old son. LeRoi admitted that his boy was upset when he saw the episode.

"My wife told him it was just a TV show and to ignore it," he said. "It worked. He believes her. Kids trust their parents that way."

There's no word on whether Rock knew his show could be a holiday spoiler. His spokesman didn't return telephone and e-mail messages for comment.

On the show, young Tonya becomes a lot more cynical. Her mother explains that Santa Claus is a symbol and asks: "So you do understand?"

"Yeah," the girl replies. "It's OK to lie."

Color Me Funky

...literally.

• Body: I decided to switch deodorants this past weekend and opted to try, Kiss My Face. It's a natural deodorant that has less chemicals than conventional, mainstream brands. Well, the funk is out. No sooner than when I left the house yesterday I could smell something foul in the air. Imagine my surprise when I realized that something was my musty pits. I still haven't been able to wash away the stench.
• Toy 'r' Us: Me and my funky pits made a trip to Toy 'r' Us yesterday and I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I really do hate crowds. Me and godson's mom had to wait at least 15 minutes to learn they were sold out of a very popular Dora the Explorer toy. We then had to wait an additional 10 minutes to learn they were sold out of some Barbie toy my friend wanted to buy. When we were checking out, the women in front us damn near haggling with the cashier like she didn't know what the prices were. It took the cashier15 minutes to ring her up. The longer we waited in line the noiser it got with the screams and wails of disgruntled kids not getting the toys, attention or whatever they wanted. That lady in front of us offered up one of those half-hearted, fake, insincere "I'm sorry for taking so long. I'll just be another minute grins." I wanted to poke her in her eye. Before we could cash out, I had to deal with some other customer screaming in my ear trying to get the attention of a cashier she knew in hopes of getting the cashier to use her employee discount for her purchase. For whatever reason it took the customer at least 5 minutes before she realized that the girl was either too busy to help her get a discount or not interested in leading her her employee discount.
• Martha: The finale was anti-climatic. Bethany pulled her event together quite nicely. I still trying to figure out what Donna had to do that was so complicated. I was a bit distracted during the telecast...maybe I missed it. Speaking of Donna: why do women die their hair colors that don't suit them? especially brunettes? Two things that caught my attention last night. First, did you catch ole boy that got sent home the 2nd week (remember the guy that had the nervous breakdown during his task and said he wanted to go home) Did you notice that he never clapped as the cameras panned the contestants before commercial break? Did you peep the expression on his face? He wasn't happy about being there. I was tickled. Second, did you catch Alexis' derogatory description of Donna? Then her immediate proclamation that Donna would fit perfectly with Martha's company? Hmmm!!!!
  
• Project Runway: Santino needs to go. He has the worst attitude, with the judges and fellow contestants, that I've ever seen from anybody that has ever been on that show. Personally, I thought his attitude alone should have sent his ass home last night. What the hell was the crap he designed anyway? That asian chick that talks like she has a stuffy nose irks me. I want to had her some tissue every time she speaks. I liked Daniel Franco but that 'bliss' crap was irritating.
• Christmas with the Browns: What diet plan has Bobbi Kris been following? I was a bit disappointed with last night's christmas special. I did get a lot of laughs but...I expected more. It didn't have the same zeal the regular season episodes had. Whitney didn't look so good last night - even with the little bit of makeup she was wearing. I laugh at the spectacle of them but it's so sad. I think I laughed hysterically when those 2 fools started dancing in front of the carolers....Who does that? I am still trying to figure out why Whitney was wearing her fur in the house. Bobby needs to open a restaurant. He swears he can cook. Bobby sounds like a howling dog when he sings and it doesn't help that he tilts his head back in the same fashion that dogs do when they howl. Please stop. Not to be mean, but it was good seeing Bobbi Kris perform with her cheer squad. I was starting to wonder if the chick had any talent. I mean, how can you be the spawn of to 2 very creative people and not inherit something from them? Whitney on the piano during the family prayer? Comedy! LOL! Was Whitney laughing at the same thing I was? Halle-lou-yawww! In the infamous words of Bobby "it's just me y'all" Brown, Merry New Year!!
• Computers Viruses: Why do people put programs on their computers that are known to cause/invite virus attack then expect you to clean them out? I spent 3 hours working on restoring my godson's mom's computer to normal yesterday and still didn't everything cleaned out. People, KAZAA file sharing program is of the devil. Do NOT use it. There are other safer P2P programs that one can use. I recommend downloading Ad-Aware, and Ccleaner to help with weekly cleaning of your computer system.

All I Want For Christmas

Remember friend & hubby and the gift? Well you'll never guess. It looks like they're on the outs. Ok, friend called me this weekend for our usual random, mindless, meaningless chit chat that only friends can enjoy with one another. Somehow we started discussing christmas presents and what she had purchased for her daughter, her parents and her nieces and nephews. When I asked her what she planned on buying hubby she said nothing. I made jokes about her pettiness and wondered why she was behaving so maliciously. She then told me that she had informed hubby that she wanted a divorce. I in turn fell out laughing because friend & hubby are like Whitney & Bobby, it's a "Strange Relationship" but it works for them. Why? I asked. She said I am tired of his shit. Of course, I've heard this statement a millions during the course of their on-again off-again relationship so this didn't faze me one bit. In fact, it only made me laugh harder. We continued to laugh and joke about this supposed breakup when she says you not gone believe this one. I reply Oh lord, what did you do now? You love drama. She giggles then proceeds to say You know what I told him, Shawn? I said hubby, you know what's the best present you can get me for Christmas? Get the fuck up out my house! I lost it. I was almost in tears. I told her she was certifiably nuts. Friend and hubby are from the DC/Merlin area (yes Merlin and not Maryland; if you're from the area you know what's up). Merlin-ites have a dialect that can make the most ghetto of statements even more ghetto and comical once they jazz it up their with their local dialect. Friend made sure to put a little extra Merlin accent on that statement and its effect was successful in enducing uncontrollable laughter for a good 5 minutes. I still can't think about our conversation without giggling.

Just to show you how crazy she is, let me share this with you. She tells me that if hubby doesn't leave peaceably by the end of the month, she's going to have the locks changed and has already contacted a locksmith to do the job. Friend then says I want to share my New Year's resolutions with you:

1) Get rid of his ass (Incredulously I say That's not a resolution. She replies For me it is. He got ta go!)
2)Lose 25 lbs so I can find me a new man
3)Find a church home and establish a spiritual base
4)Be a better parent which I think will happen naturally once I get rid of his ass and start going to church

Ha! Friend is always good for more than a few laughs. I swear I wish I had recorded this conversation. This was one for the ages.

Song Snippet

So, today I received an mp3 of the song I mentioned in The Writing Session. It's a rough mix. As I mentioned in The Writing Session 2, "I was none too pleased with the direction of the song once the vocals started being laid. The producer had his idea of what the song was 'supposed' to sound like." After hearing the song with lead and backing vocals I stand by that assertion. I think the song is cool but could have been so much more. Vocal production can make or break a song therefore, one should never rush through the process. At this point, there's nothing I can do about it. The song is what it is. It was fun to exercise my creativity. I am thankful I was given the opportunity to play around. Here's a snippet.