Have you ever had one of those crazy, random questions pop into your head out of nowhere? At first thought, the question makes you smile or giggle as you wonder, "where did that come from?" You try to move on to another thought but can't, your mind is fixated and wants to give attention to this "oh so suddenly pressing question" that you know you can't answer because there are no answers to this question. Nevertheless you let your mind do it's thing - you ponder possible answers in hopes of satisfying your psyche so you can regain control of your thoughts and move on the next. That ever happen to you?
Yesterday, I was minding my own business when this random thought dropped by, unannouced for a visit: Would Jesus still have been close friends with Judas if he hadn't been killed? I laughed and thought, "yeah, right!" I was ready to move on to the next thought but Mr. Unannouced Visitor wanted more attention. So, I gave him a bit more attention hoping he'd get the hint that I wanted him to leave soon because I really didn't feel like being bothered. Not to mention, I had more pressing issues to think about like what's for dinner, you know? Anyhow, I communed with Mr. UV a while longer as he just sat there not saying a word taking up space. Needless to say, I was pissed he wouldn't leave. However, after my anger dissipated, the purpose of his visit became more clear, there was a bigger issue that really wanted my attention: handling betrayal.
When people betray me intentionally, I don't do so well with the 'all is forgiven let's pretend it never happened,' game people like to play. Instead, I systematically breakdown the events that lead to the betrayal. I analyze each participant's role, determine the percentage of blame each participant is responsible for and I ponder other solutions not explored by betrayor to resolve the issue. Next, I give numerical value to the sheer magnitude of the betrayal, I explore the betrayor's track record for other questionable offenses. I then ponder the value of the relationship in the past and weigh that against what I anticipate the value of the relationship to be in the future. When it's all computed I know exactly what action to take:
1)Let's not ever talk again
2)Let's be friends from a distance
3)Let's clear the air-cuss each other out-and ease back into a close fellowship
Ok, let's focus on option 2. Whenever I choose option 2, the relationship becomes convolted with all kinds of unspoken conditions and rules like I won't go the extra mile for that person, conversations are very impersonal-matter of fact- and brief, anything perceived as a slight will be considered a slight with no benefit of the doubt and will be held against them, I don't hang out with that person, I generally don't initiate contact they must call me...the list goes on. I arbitrarily add and remove conditions as needed. You get the point right?
Last year, I was doing business with 2 friends and they renigged on the original 50-50 agreements, they wanted to cut me such lopsided deals that it was plain ridiculous. Naturally, our relationships were broken and needed fixing or an overhaul. At the time, I knew I had to maintain a functional relationship with each because of the pending business deals. Thus, an option 2, condition laden relationship emerged. However, the betrayal warranted an option 1 response. Sadly enough, the business deals fell through and our relationships remained in ruin.
I have maintained a safe distance from each friend since the incident and only held conversation with both parties when absolutely necessary in the past 6-8 months. Recently, both of their birthdays passed, so I left birthday messages for both but have yet to hear back from either. Ain't that about a bitch!
Thus, there is a new condition to option 2 relationships:
Article - Don'tbeaJackAss hereafter referred to as Article DbJA
1)if you are on shaky ground with me, acknowledge the fact that I reached out to you on your special day. Because honestly, I didn't have to do so. I could have been really petty and acted as if the day never meant anything to me though I've celebrated this day with you the past12 years.
* Violation of said condition is grounds for dismissal without further notice.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Shawn-
There have been many days that I have felt like this. I don't think I've gone as far to assign numerical values (although that is an idea) but I think you hold a universal feeling that I follow often. When someone betrays or crosses you in the wrong way the first mind is to cut them off because we don't need all the negative energy in our realm-besides we are always bogged down with our own issues (would Jesus and Judas be homeboys...or whats for dinner or for me did I really sell all of those books? If so where is the money) to be concerned with extra baggage. Cut them off! Every relationship has a life and a purpose. It's always better to get rid of the dead weight, because if they do it once they're prone to do it again. Cursing is warranted sometimes too..If people want to try to be shady towards you, you be shady back and rise above them and show them who's better.
Post a Comment