Social Segregation

Preference? Bad habit? Fear? Comfort? Why don't I have any friends that don't look like me? For the last few weeks I've wrestled with the fact that I've become awfully small minded in my older age. I've purposefully isolated myself socially from several different social groups. The sect of people that I call "friend" are all black, christian, and have some college education. Why is that?

A few weeks ago a nameless person said to me "she doesn't like straight people." That statement kept ringing in my head over and over again. "She doesn't like straight people." Finally, I asked "why not?" I was thinking to myself "what does that have to do with anything? The person in question answered "its not that I don't like straight people its just that I feel uncomfortable around them."

Is that what's been going with me of late? Growing up I had friends of different ethnic backgrounds, religious beliefs, etc. and those differences never, ever once bothered me nor them. In fact, I doubt that I ever noticed the differences between us.

What happened to change me? When I did I get uncomfortable with diversity? Like Adam and Eve did I partake of a forbidded fruit that suddenly revealed my nakedness? Did my sudden awareness cause me scrutinize my choices more disapprovingly? But why?

As I take stock of my current state of being and consider my upbringing, I think its pretty shameful that I have not one hispanic, asian or white friend; not one friend of a different religious persuasion; not one openly gay friend that I hang out with.

Somewhere along the way in life I stopped seeing the heart of people and stopped using that as a true litmus test for friendship. Appearances and facades have become the norm for me. That makes me sad. I was not raised that way.

I've always been one to question my own motives for decisions and choices that I have made and continue to make. I for one know that stepping outside of my homogenous social group will be extremely uncomfortable; and I don't like discomfort. However, I think its time.

I know part of my discomfort is the fear of being put in a position to explain or defend my culture/my people to those of other races. I don't want to hear stuff like "you're not like the rest of them" and then have to combat that form of ignorance. That sorta of stuff really bothered me in the past. But why? In the past I would get uptight get an attitude and remove myself from the situation quickly instead of choosing a more effective way to address my concern. We all say ignorant stuff at times before we come into the knowledge, right? Should I hold one less than informed opinion against someone for a lifetime? I don't believe I should.

I doubt I can set a goal of "making one asian friend by the end of the year." It doesn't work like that I know. I can, however, be open to the possibility of befriending someone outside my race. I know it sounds silly but I'll to have remind myself to not be so dismissive of friendly people from other walks of life. I run across friendly people all the time but I only return "sincere" friendliness to those that I discern that are like me in taste, race, religion or other attributes.

I'm open and ready for a change. We'll see what happens.