5 Crazy Things I've Done

Ok, Kathi had this 5 weird habits about yourself post the other day. I really wanted to play along but I could only think of 1 weird habit I have. Today some stuff popped into my head about some crazy stuff I've done so I decided to change the rules.

5 Crazy Things I've Done

1)I kneed an older woman in the butt once. We were preparing to exit a plane. Everyone was in the aisles trying to get their stuff. We were all kinda smashed together because no one really wanted to give way. The woman in front of me had a bag that she kept flinging over her shoulder and hitting me with. After the 4th unsuccessful attempt at getting the bag on her shoulder I assumed she would've realized that was something preventing the bag from resting on her shoulder - me. My friends were snickering as they noticed my growing agitation. So I say loud enough for everyone to hear "I KNOW... this feel bitch feels me!" hoping that would get the womans attention. It didn't. She flung that bag on her shoulder one mo' gin and hit me so I reared my knee back and let it rip into her ass. She hunched forward, grabbed her husband then they both turned to look at me as I smirked angrily. A passenger who witnessed the incident screamed out in disgust "Uh uh! Oh I never! No you didn't!" By then passengers in the other aisle were departing so I squeezed through a row of seats and told the loud talker "Shut the fuck up. She wasn't hitting you with her big ass bag," and walked off the flight.

2)I once inhaled black pepper to induce a sneeze. Don't you just hate when you have to sneeze and it won't come out? Yea, me too. That's why my dumb ass inhaled the black pepper. hahaha! It took hours for all the black pepper to come out of my nose

3)I had buddy who was notorious for leaving stuff in my car and not realizing it for days. He would then call me and ask to check here and there for his stuff. I thought it was quite annoying. One day he left his pager. When I see it I roll my eyes and start to curse him in my head "Why he got to be so damn absentminded" and the like. So I pick up the phone and with much attitude I page him. I hang up the phone and instantly I hear his pager going off which really starts to rile me up. So 5 minutes go by and he hasn't called. I really getting pissed. I am sitting there thinking "why in the world hasn't this fool called me back? I paged 911." I stew for a few more minutes then I finally have my moment of realization as I stare at his pager about what I had just done. I had just paged someone to inform them they had left their pager in my possession. I fell out on the floor in hysterics for 5 minutes. I think I called everybody that night to share that story.

4)I got pulled over for speeding ticket in Vegas years ago. I was clocked doing 100+ mph. I was 1 exit away from the strip...One exit. It was 4:30 in the morning and I was pissed. The highway patrolman, or vegas PD I can't remember, strolls up to the driver side window. He flashes that damn flashlight in the back seat then into my eyes. He taps on the window to cue me to roll the window down.

HP: Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Asked very menacingly
Me: Yes! With defiant attitude
HP: Why were you speeding?
Me: To get where I had to go!!!!!! Yes, I said it with a straigt face, looking him in the eye and attitude...no exaggeration.
HP:I'm sorry! What did you say? Incredulously
Me: TO GET....Where I Had To Go!!!! Said with greater dictation and syncopation
HP: License and registration sir.

Officer walks off my friends start rousing me about how I just played myself. Why didn't you lie? Why were you talking to him like that? Boy you crazy! Mr HP speaks in to his bullhorn

HP:Please exit your vehicle and come to my passenger window.

I get out of the car and make my way to his window. I know he made me get out of my car on purpose because it was freezing and the wind was really blowing. I am shivering as he speaks.

HP: You're getting off lucky. If this were any other deputy you'd be in jail right now. (He was black by the way)
Me: Thank you.
HP: I'm reducing your speed too.
Me:Thanks!
HP:A piece of advice for you: the next time you to fly into vegas use that over there

He points to the vegas airport.

5)I was escorted out of the movie theater once. Me and a friend decide to go see Star Trek: Contact. He decides he wants to return his ticket and watch the movie for free since there's no one manning the door collecting tickets. He returns his ticket then comes back into the theater. The manager follows him back into the theater and asked to see his ticket. He tells him he threw it away. The manager asks my friend to follow him outside. My buddy was really good at dodging and skirting trouble so I wasn't too worried until the previews ended and he wasn't back. I leave the theater and join in the debate my friend is having with manager. We squabble for 20 minutes, my friend physically threatens one of the moviegoers who jumps into the argument we're having with the manager. At that point, the manager tells one of the employees to call security and we are escorted to my car.

Two hours later we return to the theater with another friend in tow and begin to argue with the manager again. We ask for the manager's card and corporate contact info and leave with the promise of filing a discrimination lawsuit.

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Feel free to share a crazy or embarrassing story of your own.